The Art of the Attempt

Questioning the Evolution of Leadership

March 2, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Note: My dad reads this blog religiously, so he probably deserves a quick heads up when a post is somewhat centered around him. So Wes, thanks for inspiring me. Hope you enjoy it.

So my most recent assignment in my Organizational Leadership seminar was to read a certain book on leadership (Leading Change by John P. Kotter) and critique it based on modern applicability. The book was written in 1996. For my purposes, this was a good read. It forced me to identify strategies that are outdated versus those that have stood the test. (Of time, that is.) For someone searching for leadership advice…I’d have to say it probably isn’t the best read. Either way…

So I was telling my dad about the book and my assignment yesterday. As I understand it, my dad had some great success in managing organizations. These days, of course, he lives the good life, playing golf and managing my finances (rather than the finances of a big corporation). I could see him being a fantastic leader and manager in corporate treasury. I’d be lucky to work for someone like him.

Now that I’m done flattering my dad (who will undoubtedly be the first one to read this post) we can move on. He said something in response that really got me thinking. “Well, I mean. It’s probably still applicable right? Leadership hasn’t changed that much in the past 15 years.” Wait what? No! Things are always changing! Huge strides have been made! Don’t undermine my constant study of innovative leadership strategy, Wes! “Well…I mean you still focus on things like team work right? And treating the manager like a teammate rather than a dictator, right? It’s not that different…” So of course, I got all puffed up and flustered, ready to expel that statement with recent research and empirical studies and the like, but all I came up with was: “No…well…I mean yeah but…no it’s totally different…”

I didn’t know what to say. My dad had stumped me yet again. I knew that it was different. I know leadership and management strategy has evolved, especially since Wes Mayland was running shit (back in the golden days of the 70s and 80s). But how could I communicate this? How could I prove to this naysayer that leadership is no longer something that is forced upon employess, but rather embraced by entire organizations as a means of internal and external development?

And, if we’re going in that direction, if I can’t communicate it, is it real? Has management really evolved? We still have corporations in financial ruin because of inept managers. We still have leaders making terrible decisions and running their companies into the ground because of self-serving efforts. So what’s different? Is it that we’re now aware of these misgivings, but it is only the brilliant theorists and strategists that know how to fix it? Why aren’t companies changing? We know what to do, but no one is doing it. (With some inspirational exceptions, of course) I mean, really–At the ripe age of 22, with only a minor brush of experience with a major corporation, I know how to fix leadership transgressions. Granted, I may be a natural leadership prodigy, but still.

How are we supposed to convince the world that organizational leadership has evolved if this evolution only occurs in the management section of the local bookstore?

I will say that I do fully believe that, while msnbc loves to tell us how corporations continue to screw up, things have evolved as far as organizational leadership is concerned. I believe this change has been found in the attitudes and expectations of the employees. They know they’re a valuable part of the organization. They know they have the power to create change. And they look to their managers to facilitate their efforts. This is probably because my generation is coming up in the ranks, and we’re so great and wonderful and forward-thinking. What up, gen y!

So, world, prove my dad wrong! Enlist change within your organization. Don’t crush my dreams of managerial bliss. Think about how your managerial tactics have changed within the past 10 years. Don’t revert back to leading only through words. Lead by actions. Lead the way you should in this day and age.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Great Leadership · Attempts
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Organizational Lessons from the Sorority House

March 1, 2010 · 2 Comments

DISCLAIMER: Now that some people that know me in real life read my stuff, I feel it necessary to introduce a caveat. If you’re my sister, please don’t be offended. This isn’t about you. This is about corporate strategy. So please please don’t take it personally. And please don’t get pissy and tell standards to call me in for high treason. I’m already going to standards. Don’t make it worse.

So in about two hours, I will be walking into the lion’s den. I will be reprimanded for my lack of participation and chastised for my lack of loyalty. A panel of my peers will patronize me and exert their arbitrary superiority in an effort to force me to relinquish all defiance and admit defeat.

So where am I going, you ask? Into a board meeting with the possibility of getting fired? Into a group meeting for a class in which I make no effort? Nope… I’m going to my sorority house.

I’ve been in a sour mood since yesterday morning when I received a phone call asking me to come meet the standards committee to discuss some of my recent missteps. Laundering chapter funds? Treason against my sisters? Nope. Three unexcused absences. Mind you, I am a senior with 3 months left, and I’ve put in more than enough of my time and my parents’ funds. That’s not the point.

I’ve been looking for a silver lining with this situation all day. How can I grow? What can I learn? And then it hit me. Well, no. It hit me two years ago when I realized how sororities are really run. But I didn’t have a blog back in those days. But now I have a platform… And here comes the sonic boom of applicability:

My sorority is a perfect analogy for an explosively dangerous organizational model.

Granted, we look like absolute gems on the surface. Flawless members. Great reputation. Apparent success in social and philanthropic efforts. But under the corporate veil lies some truths that no sister wants to admit.

  • Misallocation of funds
  • Dissent within the ranks
  • Obligatory hierarchical structure with no controls
  • And worst of all (and most typical)… incompetent middle management.

This is not meant to be an expose of my sisters. I love them. I love my chapter. They have given me an irreplaceable, unrivaled college experience. I’m lucky as hell.

But this is another unfortunate example of an organization that, because of historical success, feels no sense of urgency to change. Innovate? Oh no, no, no. The chapter bylaws would not permit that. What would nationals say? Our advisors feel it best to keep things the way they are. And thus, we continue on. Leaving our six-figure budget in the hands of unqualified sophomores, choosing leadership based on charisma rather than competency, and restricting ourselves to one degree of success because we are not willing to shatter the status quo and move forward.

Does this not sound like every HBR case you ever read as an MBA student? A couple years ago, I got some fire in my belly and attempted to change my organization, if only in one area. One of my very best friends was chairman of recruitment, and I, her loyal assistant. We wanted to shake things up and do it our way. And we did. She was our fearless leader. And I was our logistical prodigy. Together, we created a vision, communicated that vision, and executed. Flawlessly. Why were our tactics not emulated? Because the rest of the leaders felt that because we were the outliers, we were wrong. We were dangerous. We should not be praised. They pimped us out for our clever ideas and leadership abilities, then proceeded to shove us under the rug when the task was done.

Why did we not stay true to the cause? Why did we cease fire? Because we were seniors, and we would much rather have fun and enjoy our final days of college than fight for an organization from which we were about to retire.

So I challenge you all to take a good hard look at your organizations. Are there inadequacies? Inefficiencies? Opportunities for growth and development? Why have you failed to capitalize on these opportunities? What are you doing to change the situation?

So rather than await impending doom found in the form of a board of advisors that will rip you a new one for going against the grain..

Be proactive. Change your organization before you abandon all hope and send yourself out to pasture.

→ 2 CommentsCategories: Attempt at Strategic Development · Attempts

Attempt at Strategic Development

February 24, 2010 · Leave a Comment

So today in my Strategic Entrepreneurship class, we were discussing…entrepreneurship. Okay so more specifically, we were discussing an article from Harvard Business Review, entitled “A Test for the Fainthearted” about what it takes to be en entrepreneur amidst volatile economic conditions. It was pretty good…not great. I’d thumb through it again, maybe.

The big moment occured when my professor started rattling off some pretty sound logic. As entrepreneurs, we are our business. Because our passions and beliefs and ideals are so inextricably intertwined within our venture, it is almost impossible to have a business that is anything less than a reflection of the founder. So, it is critical that we identify and fully understand our strategy. Not a business strategy. But a personal strategy.

What is your strategy?

How do you live your life everyday? In what way do you engage with others? How do you succeed? A business-minded person could easily throw out some overused buzzword about being a go-getter or an outlier or some other word we’re all sort of sick of. But I mean, really, when you think about it, it’s pretty tough to concisely identify your personal strategy.

So I’ve started making some mindmaps and outlines, etc. I want to figure it out. I think knowing who you are, personally and professionally, can help you leverage your strengths in order to really jump ahead of the competition. So this is my attempt at identifying my personal strategy. I’m not sure exactly how long it will take, or when this attempt will be revisited, but it has officially commenced.

I challenge you all to figure out what your strategy is. And don’t give a quick answer to avoid self-reflection. And don’t lie to yourself. Figure out what it is you want, and how you get yourself there.

I also challenge you to hit up that comment box with tips or advice on developing or identifying your business or personal strategy. I would be forever grateful.

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Why Natural Leaders Win

February 22, 2010 · Leave a Comment

The most extraordinary thing happened to me this weekend. I validated myself as a natural-born leader. I didn’t mean to. It was a total accident. But I have never felt more sure of my abilities to lead.

I’ve been overloaded with leadership books recently (not complaining). They have all contained instances of why followers follow. They follow because they trust/like/enjoy/admire the person. I’ve experienced a few of them, slightly, but never like this. This was like a huge punch in the face (but it didn’t hurt). It was like the Leadership Gods came down and said “Hey Diana, what’s up? Congratulations on finally proving yourself as a natural leader. You can now be part of our very exclusive club. Way to go. Have a cocktail.”

In my experience this past weekend, I found that I emerged as a leader because of a few different things. Let’s explore:

So all the Apple Campus Reps from around the country (about 30 of us) congregated in Cupertino this weekend for some training and development. It was great. For some reason, my personality was especially vibrant. I was making friends, cracking jokes, etc. I was engaging everyone in the room, having a grand ole time. The first day was a lot of presentations and discussion groups. I made sure to let my opinions be known but also fully immersed myself in what everyone else was saying. I was thoroughly enjoying myself. And everyone was enjoying the hell out of me. They were saving seats for me, waiting for me to walk with them, wanting me to be a part of their groups, etc. I just assumed it was because I was so fun (and so beautiful–there were only like four girls in the entire group.) Now, let me make something clear. I don’t know people’s names. I just don’t. I could go through my entire life and only know like 15 names. It’s just how I am. This was not the case with everyone else. They all knew me. They all loved me.

The second day was a lot of problem solving and group work. I walked in with the same casual swagger, just happy to be there. I leaned back in my seat, engaged in some witty banter, and listened to the directions. A problem was presented to us. Time to solve. And all of as sudden, no joke, every eye in the room turns to me. “Well, Diana, what do we do?” And of course, because I’m constantly eating that humble pie, I responded by slouching in my seat and putting my arms up in defense: “Woah, woah, what? Why me? I didn’t sign up to be your leader. Why don’t you guys figure it out? Why do I have to make decisions?” And that’s when it happened. That’s when the fog lifted and the spotlight settled on my face. The angels started singing. I figured it out. Well, my fellow rep, named Cohen, figured it out for me. Cohen responded so bluntly, but so truthfully:

“Of course we’re following your lead. Why wouldn’t we? We’ve been following you since Thursday. Haven’t you noticed?”

WHAT? Holy shit. He’s right. These people liked me. They enjoyed me. They trusted me. They saw how much I LOVE Apple. My obsession with the products and the company had shone through. I had gained credibility. I had displayed authentic leadership.

I didn’t walk into the weekend with my nose in the air saying “Alright…I’m going to make these people love me so that I can then tell them what to do. They are my minions. I am their god. All will praise me.” I instead walked in with an easygoing attitude, interested not in getting ahead, but in learning and enjoying myself. I wanted to make friends. I wanted to become a better Apple employee. The fact that I emerged as a leader was just icing on the cake. So what did I learn?

Leadership cannot be forced. Your followers need to WANT to follow you.

Leading isn’t about telling people what to do. It’s about engaging and facilitating.

To emerge as a leader, you cannot begin as a superior. You must be one with the group. (Think about Jack from Lost)

Your motives should be aligned with everyone else’s. Lead the group to success, rather than only looking out for yourself.

This was an invaluable experience for me. Why? Because my ego is now the size of Canada? No…It is because I learned so much about the company and how to be a better campus rep. I made a GREAT new group of friends and associates. I am now more motivated than ever to do my job. I reaffirmed my value as a great leader. And…the weather was great for my hair.

So the next time you walk into a conference with your chest puffed out and your nose high in the air, thinking “Look at all these little minions. They’re mine. I’m out for blood. It’s time to lead, baby.” Just stop it. Realize that you’re not a killer. You’re a team player. So shake some hands, get to know your associates. Make some jokes. Smile a little bit. Have some fun.

And if you’re meant to lead, you will. If you force it, people will only ignore you.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Authenticity · Attempt at Great Leadership · Attempt at Personal Branding · Attempts

Every Marathon Needs the Occasional Sprint

February 12, 2010 · Leave a Comment

First Trip to NOLA, 2007

First Trip to NOLA (2007)

So a few weeks ago I posted something about the perils of persistence. It’s tough, it’s annoying, and I’ve been doing it for years. For the past year or so, I’ve been an “all work, no play” sort of person. Well, relatively speaking. I do have my fun, but not nearly as much as a college student should. Work and school always always came first…which is very hard to do in my world.

But today, all of that changes. Today, I am unpredictable. I am an older, more sophisticated version of the 18-year old rebel I once was. Today, I go to New Orleans. All year, I have immediately rejected any thoughts of going to one of my favorite cities in the world for fear of breaking my momentum. “No, not this year…I mean…I really can’t. I have so much work to do. I’ve got a book to read, and calls to make, and manuals to write, not to mention like 500 emails…it’s just not a good time for me. And really…I mean it’s not a very efficient use of my funds. It would be a bit irresponsible.” Last night my friends finally slapped some sense into me. “So much work…” “Not an effecient use of funds?” Seriously???? How old am I? I feel like a 35-year old accountant. I used to be the most radical advocate of “the college lifestyle” in the whole world. And now? Now I’m a 35 year-old bald man trapped in a smokin’ 22-year-old body. Damn.

So today, I quit plugging away at a life which I am too young to lead. Hopefully, I will return on Sunday night refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to return to the task at hand. Either that, or just severely hungover.

So what’s the point here?

Sometimes, the daily grind stops cutting it. Sometimes you need that little 18-year-old you on your shoulder telling you to throw caution to the wind. Turn off your cell phone. Be a kid again. Your work is the marathon, but every once in a while, you’ve got to throw a little sprint in there to break things up.

NOLA OR BUST!!

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Being 22 · Attempt at Productivity · Attempts

The Joys of Creating

February 11, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Not much to say… but I had to create a short video introducing myself using iMovie for a project. I’m damn proud of it, so I thought I’d share it with you all.

I uploaded the mobile version onto my iPod Touch…and I swear I have never felt quite this awesome in my entire life. And I always feel awesome to some degree, so this is big.

The moral of the story:

When you create a quality product that you’re proud of, it gives you a sense of satisfaction to which nothing can compare.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Creativity · Attempt at Productivity · Attempts

Adapt or Die: Dealing with the Strategic Inflection Point

February 10, 2010 · Leave a Comment

So I’m currently reading What the Best CEOs Know: 7 Exceptional Leaders and their Lessons for Transforming any Business by Jeffrey A. Krames. I can’t say that I love it. I’m about 75% done… and I have only been reading for about four hours, collectively. It’s a quick read…a simple read…but it includes some really great practical tips on organizational leadership.

SO the book discusses 7 great CEOs, one of which is Andy Grove, the founder and former CEO of Intel. Grove made some big waves with his analysis of the Strategic Inflection Point (SIP). What is the SIP, you ask?

A point at which a company comes face to face with massive change…

Tends to arise following a long period of unbroken success…

Different from ordinary change based on the bagnitude of the potential effect on the business…

This was big for Intel. They lost a huge chunk of their massive market share. They now had international competitors. (This was all in the mid 1990s, by the way). This SIP deal really hit me though. It is so prevalent not only in organizations, but additionally in every facet of our lives. How many times have you thought “DAMN things are just so great right now…I’m terrified.” “What?? Terrified?” “Terrified because I know it won’t last.” And you’re right. As noted above, the SIP follows a long period of unbroken success. Right when you’ve leaned back in your chair, in a full-on lounging ultra-smug position…it happens. The world crumbles. All hell breaks loose. Your servers fail. Your boyfriend breaks up with you. You get fired. All of your new 2010 Prius models are recalled (Sorry, Toyota). Whatever the case may be, it happens.

Andy Grove elaborated on this SIP when he said:

We managers like to talk about change, so much that embracing change has become a cliche of management. But a strategic inflection point is not just any change. It compares to change the way Class VI rapids on a river, the kind of deadly and turbulent rapids that even professional rafters approach gingerly, compare to ordinary waters.

Right…so…what the hell are we supposed to do? When an organization/individual hits that SIP, “what used to work now no longer works. Chaos, or at least a sense of being out of control, predominates.” Grove declared that Intel was “wandering in the valley of death.” Shit.

I cannot even count the times I’ve been there. Especially in my crazy, peak-and-valley, hormonal life of a highly visible collegiate superstar. Life is perfect. Life is over. I’m so lucky! I’m seriously slitting my wrists later this afternoon. Can’t wait to face the day! I‘ll be in my bed if anyone needs me…for the next three months.

It happens. So what are we supposed to do when our whole world is turned upside down and we are literally left with no direction? This book insists that “strategic inflection points don’t necessarily mean institutional death. If managed skillfully, they can also breathe life into an organization.“

How many times have we all heard those lines about “overcoming great adversity” and “turning a new leaf” and “starting each day anew” and “seizing the opportunity” and every other motivational one-liner overused by your 7th grade track coach? No? Just me? Okay.

So this SIP isn’t deadly. You can be reborn and strengthened by massive change. “No way, Diana. I don’t believe you. The glass is half empty, for sure.” Au contrair, my dear reader. Grove insists that “it is at such times of fundamental change that the cliche ‘adapt or die‘ takes on its true meaning.” After this inset of massive change, companies often reinvent themselves, adding important new skills and competencies as they adjust to the external change. Okay great. Theories. That will help me deal with my five cats all dying in one day. But so really, how do you do it???

How do you deal with the Strategic Inflection Point?

According to Krames, and as observed in Intel, one must:

  • Avoid complacency
  • Instil a healthy amount of paranoia into the organization/your own brain
  • Take prompt action
  • Adopt a “guardian attitude” by…
    • Listening to alarmists
    • Considering the situation from all levels
    • Examining the data with skepticism.

I like this guardian attitude point. It’s like…listening to Chicken Little or the Boy who Cried Wolf, then thinking about it, then deciding if you should believe them. Then acting. Quickly. So, to sum it all up, I turn back to my old buddy Andy Grove, who speaks from experience:

Getting through the strategic inflection point required enduring a period of confusion, experimentation, and chaos, followed by a period of single-minded determination to pursue a new direction toward an initially nebulous goal.

That’s a pretty loaded sentence. But you’re smart. Diagram it or something.

So the next time someone tells you to just enjoy your prosperity and live in the moment and don’t be scared of what’s to come, tell them to shut up and read this post.

It’s okay to be terrified. We are all right there with you.

That’s all for now. I’m damn tired and I have a long ass day ahead of me. And I’m chilling on WordPress. SIP forthcoming…shit.

So I know you’re dying to know–Why am I up at 6:54 reading this book? Because my professor told me that he “really liked my discussion points during class” and that I am “definitely on the right track.” Behold the power of flattery. So this book must be read and analyzed by 12:45 pm today. I cannot disappoint a fan. Especially one who is deciding my grade.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Great Leadership · Attempt at Productivity · Attempts

Newfound Respect for News Aggregators

February 3, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Alright so…I found this article from TechCrunch via @techglance entitled “Everyone forgets the readers when they bash news aggregators”

Sometimes I have to break down sentences to really understand them…elementary? Yes. Effective? Absolutely. Embarrassing? Slightly.

So okay my thought process:

“News aggregators”… yeah okay I like them a lot

“Forgets the readers”…okay yeah caring about the people

“Everyone forgets…bashing…”…WHAT? Bashing news aggregators who care about the people? Aw hell no!

I never really thought about those who actually aggregate the content I read online. And I’ve never given them the big pat on the back that they deserve. Honestly, without them, I would probably still be spending my online time on Facebook Chat. Those sites opened my eyes to the relevancy of the news, and for that I am forever grateful. I do visit a few actual sites (WSJ, BusinessWeek, Forbes), but only because I haven’t found a really good business news aggregator I like yet (BizSugar hasn’t really cut it in that department). I would say 89% of what I read online (thats a hell of a lot of reading) is found through sites like Alltop, TechCrunch, BizSugar, etc. It’s a brilliant idea. The fact that anyone in the news and/or technology industry would be opposed to it is archaic and counterproductive.

I do love the Mavs, and I hate to express disdain for any part of my team, but come on, Mark Cuban. How can you turn your back on your own kind? I also would never want to say anything to discredit the joys of capitalism, but when someone in the industry insists that making money is more important than spreading a message, I’ve got to question their sincerity. Read that post, it’s really good. And funny. And I like that picture of the vampire.

So way to go, all you content aggregators out there. Thanks to you, all those too young and/or forward-thinking to subscribe to print (or pay online…pshh) get the opportunity to learn and develop and grow. I am who I am today because of these people. (Well…them and the genius that gave me such a great hairstyle)

By the way, I mentioned that I have yet to find a really good site that aggregates serious finance/business news. That was a clandestine attempt to get people to help me find one without flat-out asking for help. So for all of you that didn’t catch it, do you have any suggestions? Send them my way. If the sites turn out to be spam and/or your attempt to market your blog about social media immortality or the joys of tweeting or losing 60 pounds in 3 hours….I will end your world.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Authenticity · Attempts

Leadership vs. Management

January 28, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Leadership vs. Management? Wait, aren’t they the same thing? Ohhh wait… wow yeah, they aren’t.

So yesterday my mentors finally took off the training wheels and let me lead my first staff meeting. I was so ready. I had a well-organized agenda and a great outfit. Not to mention a ton of confidence. There’s no way this couldn’t go perfectly…

Well… let’s just say it did not go perfectly. I was behind schedule, letting other people talk too much, getting too off-track, and completely losing my focus. How is this possible??? Practically since birth, people have been telling me what a great leader I am. A natural-born leader. Great leadership qualities. Great potential as a leader. Most likely to lead a company. And so far, I have been a damn good leader. So why am I having so much trouble managing?? It came up in a discussion the other day that leadership and management are two very different things.

In my mind, leadership comes naturally. People want to listen to you and follow your lead. They respect you. Management, on the other hand, is given. Yes, you earn the title of manager, but someone else deems you suitable for the position. You have deadlines and initiatives and contingencies and so on. I now realize that my great leadership ability does not make me a good manager. This is something I’m actually going to have to work at. Rather than reading things that reaffirm that which I already knew, I’m going to be forced to read to learn something. Dang.

So how do I apply my talent as a leader to the role of a manager? I found this post about leading in 2010 from LeadershipNow. It discusses three main things great leaders do successfully:

  1. They act and think systematically
  2. They see people as the route to performance
  3. They are self-confident without being arrogant

After initially glancing at those items, I thought to myself: Why yes, I do all of those things…yet I am still failing. However, I failed to see the less attractive side of those items as they applied to my own talents:

  1. I act and think systtematically…when I’m strategizing by myself. When I get around other people, I spend so much time listening to whatever they say and considering the hell out of their points that I lose track of where we should be going. I feel that as a manager, you must always keep an eye on the path ahead, while still engaging your employees in the present.
  2. I do see people as the route to performance…but I don’t always communicate with them and get their opinion. I feel like the manager should be a chess player, and the employees his chess pieces. But not regular sized pieces. Rather, the lifesize chess games that you see in Mexican resorts. I, on the other hand, play with a regular chess set. I will use them without regard to their own magnitude as individuals. That sounds so awful now that I am reading it. Well, poor me.
  3. I am self-confident…maybe without being arrogant? I have a hell of a lot of confidence, but I am always willing to question whether or not my theories or actions are the best. I love learning, and I love being taught. But who the hell was I to walk into a meeting relying only on my natural abilities and a stupid piece of paper with some items on it?? Looking back, I should have started looking at the characteristics of a great board meeting. How could I have applied them? I find myself immediately considering myself better than everyone until they prove otherwise. Maybe this isn’t the way to go?

For those that are constantly praised and find most “challenges” incredibly easy, realizing that you have to work at something is a hard truth to swallow. I have been pretty down on myself recently. (see last post) I hate not being good at things. I hate not being the prodigy that can do no wrong. I know I have to try at this attempt. And by god, I’m going to do it. This time next week (or next month or something) I’m going to be the best damn manager there ever was…for a person of my age and experience level, of course. I will utilize my systematic methods and self awareness to bolster myself to the managerial hall of fame.

Either that, or I will spend another day feeling like I’m worthless and don’t deserve anything and need to give up. It has yet to be determined.

What do you think about the differences of leadership vs management? Am I totally off-base? I need guidance…please feel free to provide it.

→ Leave a CommentCategories: Attempt at Great Leadership · Attempts

Attempt at Perseverance

January 28, 2010 · 1 Comment

It has been a long week. A long ass week filled with things I did not want to deal with. It all culminated in a meeting with a company advisor where I suddenly found myself crying to him (literally, tears) about my fears of inadequacy…

Tears? Talking about my fears in life? To a company advisor??? How the hell did I get here?

Today, for the first time in my life, I just wanted to be my age. I didn’t want to be Diana Mayland, MS student, Director of AiB Consulting, Senior Campus Representative for Apple… I just wanted to be Diana Mayland, 22 years old, that one Kappa that loves to have fun. I didn’t want the responsibility of being an adult, and I didn’t want the burden. The pressure finally got to me.

I think sometimes the biggest burdens we bear are the ones we cannot share with others. For example, I’m currently worried about our current resource allocation in my company. I’m also worried that I have an employee that is being insubordinate. I’m also worried that I will end up leading a team filled with people 10 years older than me, and probably male, and they won’t respect me either. I’m also worried that my visionary thinking and dreaming will never amount to anything. I’m also worried that all the innovators and dreamers of the world will never fundamentally change the world. We can all keep picking at this big bureaucracy, but will we ever tear it down?

The point is, it all finally got to me. So when all those little worries finally all start swarming around inside your head, eating away at your optimism and confidence…what do you do? I broke down and cried and made myself a cocktail. The answer of life coaches everywhere would be to persevere.

Okay, yeah, persevere. Sure. Take a deep breath and keep plugging forward. Right yeah simple. Oh wait, no, it isn’t. I’d rather just sit here and pout and further destroy my liver. But of course, the life coaches and Wes Maylands (my dad) of the world would tell me to stop being counter-productive and get over it. Give me a thousand motivational quotes. I will still be pissed off.

So when all the principles you’ve stood for and work you’ve sweat for now seem like a huge waste of time…what do you do? What do you do when you’re fed up with perseverance?

I suppose the only thing to do is keep plugging along and hoping you get over it. I suppose that’s what I’ve always done. But as visionary thinker, when you see a problem, aren’t you supposed to present a change? Rather than just cope?

I’m reading a book entitled Influencer: The Power to Change Anything right now for a class. I’m not in love with it. However, it presents the issue that we as humans are better at coping than at influencing. So I am sick of coping. How can I persevere in an innovative manner that will reduce the recurrence of another mental breakdown within the next month?

I don’t really have a resolution or a word of advice with this post… I just have a lot of questions. All I know is that I do not like my star-filled eyes filled with tears and worry wrinkles. I’m too damn young for that.

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